I do not even know how to start an article like this. Creating a title for it, was a challenge itself, I think you get the concept of these questions very quickly…let’s just go straight to the point.
These are some of the best questions posted on r/shittyaskscience.
Question 1.: Why does this 2 pound coin only weigh 0.02 pounds?
Question 2.: People say microwaves are invisible but I can still see them in my kitchen. Am I a genetically engineered superhuman who will save the human race?
Answer: You should do an AMA – “Amazing Microwave-seeing Ability”
Question 3.: Why do people come back from baby changing stations with the same baby?
Answer: I can never get one in my colour.
Question 4.: I am now 22 years old and my eyesight is worsening, at what point do I get adult supervision?
Answer: An adult older than you, who has it already, needs to give it to you. You must physically be in the presence of an older adult for this happen though. Adults who already have supervision have been given it in this way. Its a generations-long tradition.
Question 5.: My pizza says to bake for 18-21 minutes, how do I bake something for -3 minutes?
Answer: Oh, you must’ve missed it. Pizza was ready 3 minutes ago.
Question 6.: Who cuts these children in half?
Answer: I don’t know, but whoever it is seems to be getting worse at their job.
Question 7.: I bought a “Smart” TV, but I’m still able to watch Duck Dynasty. Why isn’t it working?
Answer: Did you press your forehead directly to the screen for an hour so the tv could tell how smart you are?
Question 8.: Pizza has crust. Earth has crust. Pizza is flat. Doesn’t this prove that Earth is flat?
Answer: Pizza dough starts as a ball, though. Only question is whether the earth has been cooked in the cosmic oven yet. Global warming may just be a sign that God has turned the oven to preheat.
Question 9.: I accidentally swallowed an ice cube whole yesterday and still have not passed it, should I be concerned?
Question 10.: If Jesus died for our sin, then who died for our cos and tan?
Oh, this is all basic trig. You didn’t learn this in school?
God is the one, and Jesus died for our sin.
sin2 + cos2 = 1 so Jesus 2 + cos2 = God. By the rule of the holy trinity then, cos2 = (holy ghost)1.5 so the Holy ghost died for our cos.
Now 1 + tan2 = sec2, sec = 1/cos, therefore God + tan2 = (inverse Holy ghost)2. The difference between God and the inverse Holy ghost is infinite, so tan2 = infinity. In this way we determine that infinity died for our tan. Or, in more common terms, the inevitable heat death of the universe (the end of the infinite) is a consequence of our bad behavior. Way to go, pricks.
Question 11.: Is this almost perfectly circular island man-made?
Answer: No, it’s a fake island put there by the map maker to see if anyone is copying his map. (he did not get a point of this subreddit)
Question 12.: What kind of supercomputer can read this?
Answer: Oh that’s not for supercomputers it’s for macro computers made by Macrosoft before Microsoft drive them out of business back in the 90s. Turns out no one wanted larger computers
Question 13.: Why do you hear of celebrities dying, but you never hear of them being born?
Answer: Because no more new celebrities are being born. That’s why people are so annoyed about 2020. So many celebs died, but none are being born.
Question 14.: Is this why there’s global warming?
Answer: I leave my freezer door open for the same reason
Question 15.: Can someone explain this paradox?
Answer: Easy. This water wants to get inside you and take control of your brain, so it’s smart.
Question 16.: How can I get my bananas to grow like this?
Answer: They do that naturally. Just like sausages, bananas naturally grow very long, but humans cut them short. This makes them easier to peel.
Question 17.: Maybe the reason aliens haven’t visited our solar system yet is because we only have 1 star? They’d probably only look for systems that received at least a 4 out of 5 stars rating, right?
Answer: Let’s get our rating up people! We can do this shit!
Question 18.: I accidentally spilled someone’s cup of dryness. How can I get it back into the cup so they aren’t mad at me?
Answer: Start pouring water from the boundaries of the dry area. The water will push the dryness back into the cup. Make sure to collect it all
Question 19.: I heard Mars has no atmosphere. Could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?
Answer: Unfortunately, Mars has a very rocky and irregular surface, which is not compatible with the smoothness of jazz. The only way to match that rockiness would obviously be to play rock instead, but the resulting atmosphere would then be too hostile for humans. It’s an issue that scientists around the world are still trying to overcome.
Question 20.: Why did people used to build ruins?
Answer: It’s sadly a lost art. We don’t build ruins like we used to anymore.